As you probably already know, you’re not the luckiest of people. You got sent into the country of Dracula and you get to talk to our prime-minister, who, by the way, also comes from Transylvania. Don’t laugh. The little guy can be very insistent. He’s still a prime-minister in spite of the Parliament booting him once . You could’ve had an historic mission saving Greece, the cradle of democracy, but instead you got stuck with us. I’m sorry for that.
To make things easier for you here are some things you might wanna know and do in order to get out of here with a sense of accomplishment:
– First and foremost call Poul Thomsen. He used to work for the IMF and after being locked in, for days in a row, in 14 hour meetings with mr Ciorbea, a predecessor of the current prime minister, he probably left the secular world in search of redemption. He’s probably still somewhere in India or Jerusalem trying to understand what he’s done so wrong that he received such a harsh punishment. I’m sure you’ve noticed the multitude of churches around Bucharest. We ask the same question, every day for the last 20 years.
-Don’t believe anything you hear. We have a long tradition of saying one thing and doing another.
-Be tough. Exceed your mandate. Yell at the little guy, pretend to smack him. He’s used to that.
– And if you really wanna make an impression go to the presidential palace and go berserk there. You know, in Romania there is this president-dude who used to be a sailor. He understands very well that kind of an attitude. I should warn you, he will fight back. But if you manage to scare him, we will be in awe and you can run for president here.
-About vampires. They don’t suck blood anymore. They are very fond of public money. Just look at the some of government members’ faces. Pretend that the IMF wants to manage the Romanian budget for a year. They will be so weakened that they will fade away in the eternity. They cannot live away from the budget. After a couple of months they will turn to dust and to oblivion. (The movie „Interview with a vampire” is actually a fable about Romania’s budget and the quest for undeserved money)
– Go to the National Bank and ask the grey-haired dude there what’s wrong in Romania. He usually speaks gibberish but he knows what to do. Last time he was a prime-minister (yeah, he was there too) he was so good that he only lasted for a year. After him, we got stuck with Adrian Nastase, a cousin of Aleksandr Lukashenko who loved art and the decadent french bourgeoisie which he tried to replicate without much talent.
I hope this was of some help to you. You might wanna know that the little guy and his friends have a habit of telling us, behind your back, that you want us to raise taxes and that you insisted for the crucifixion of Christ. I’m sure that’s not true and I wish you all the best,